Saturday, December 4, 2010

On Going with the Flow

I have a life update, but first I 'm going to ramble on for a bit. The update will come in a few paragraphs...

I've always been a planner. I had my first semester of college courses scheduled before I even signed up for orientation and planned out the next four years shortly thereafter. I knew how I wanted to spend my summers, what internships I wanted and when, what organizations I would participate in, the list goes on. I had plans for after graduation. The sorts of jobs I would seek out and the cities that I would live in.

I've spent my entire life thus far knowing what was coming next. One grade in high school was pretty much like the next. And college? Well, it wasn't too much of a leap in the end. Then I graduated.

In May I was left plan-less. Left not knowing. I spent the summer finishing up the lease on my apartment and working the last days of my on-campus student job. When August came I did the previously unthinkable. The definitely-not-part-of-my-plan. I moved back home. My discomfort with this move was largely superficial. I'm a definite home-body and I have a deep sort of affection for my hometown. I had time to breath and think about my health and to learn to cook and read books and start knitting projects. It was fine. But the anxiety that I felt just thinking about running into my friend's parents and having to tell them about what I wasn't doing was ever-growing. Not to mention the idea of visiting with friends from home and having to answer questions like "So what do you do all day?"

The worst part, though, about my current 'in-occupation' of sorts was the lack of a planning. The complete inability to even try and plan. For the first time in my life I was certain of nothing. I couldn't even begin to tell you what the next 5 years of my life might look like. The plan of 'get a great job and move' revealed itself to be naivie and dreamy. Reality, I came to find, was a bit more unfocused and unreliable than that.

Alright. Update time. I'm moving to New York City. I've found a temporary job in admissions at a top notch university (all through the good graces of my amazing sister-in-law). I'll be working that job full time for the next 8-10 weeks. I'll be living with my brother and his wife during that time, commuting in from Jersey City. What life will bring after that 8-10 weeks I'm unable to tell you. Perhaps I'll just be coming back home and adding another line to the resume. Or maybe. Maybe. I'll be able to find more work after this job ends and then find a place to live on a more permanent basis. Maybe this is it. Maybe I'm leaving forever.

This is where my new life motto comes in: GO WITH THE FLOW. I haven't really spent my life being a very 'flowy' sort of person. But this is the time in my life where I need to embrace the flow. I need to take opportunities that I wasn't expecting and let them take me where they will.

I'm leaving on Tuesday and starting work on Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes.

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